[Davis Democrats] FW: BARACK OBAMA AT THE GRIDRON DINNER

[John Chendo]

Subject: BARACK OBAMA AT THE GRIDRON DINNER

Senator Barack Obama not only has impeccable timing, but the freshman
Democratic senator from Illinois also can sing. And at the annual dinner
of The Gridiron Club, Obama took the spotlight to poke fun at the Bush
administration, lampoon Vice President Dick Cheney's hunting mishap and
even take a few pokes at himself and his own party. He rolled it all out
with extraordinary ease and unloosed a song to boot, sung to the tune of
"If I Only Had a Brain,'' with the punch-line landing on John McCain.
Obama,opened with a show of pleasure for the "extravaganza'' of the
evening, attended by Bush, Cheney, half the Cabinet, Chief Justice John
Roberts Jr., the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff and a cast of
media stars. "Men in tails. Women in gowns,'' Obama marveled. "An
orchestra playing, as folks reminisce about the good old days. Kind of
like dinner at the Kerrys'.
"Nice to see you, Mr. President and Mrs. Bush,'' Obama said to the
president seated to his right and first lady to his left. "I think it
takes a great spirit for the president, who we all know is an early
riser, to sit here until midnight and hear himself lampooned, when he
could be back at the White House enjoying a quiet, peaceful night,
watching TV and approving secret wiretaps.'' "The truth is, I'm terrified
to be here,'' he said. "Not because you're such a tough audience, but
because they're serving drinks. I'm standing about 30 yards from the vice
president, and I'm a lawyer. The only thing that could make this more
dangerous is if he considered me a friend.
"Mr. Vice President, I know you came here expecting to be a target,
which, it turns out, may prove easier for you than shooting at one,''
said Obama.
"But I do want to thank you. For years, we Democrats have succeeded in
doing little more than shooting ourselves in the foot. You've taught us a
valuable lesson,'' Obama told Cheney. "Aim higher.'' "There's probably
only one person more sick of these jokes than you, and that's your
wife,'' Obama continued. "It's an honor to share this stage with Lynne
Cheney - a great personage in her own right. Scholar. Author. A few years
ago, she wrote a book called, Telling the Truth, or as they call it in
the vice president's office, Telling the truth - 24 hours later."
Obama noted the absence of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice: "You
know, the president promised a muscular foreign policy. And anyone who's
seen the Condi Rice workout tapes knows he means business.
"This appearance is really the capstone of an incredible 18 months,''
Obama said, turning to his own brief career in the U.S. Senate. "I've
been very blessed. Keynote speaker at the Democratic convention. The
cover of Newsweek. My book made the best-seller list. I just won a Grammy
for reading it on tape. And I've had the chance to speak not once but
twice before the Gridiron Club. "Really, what else is there to do?'' he
asked. "Well, I guess I could pass a law or something.
"About that book, some folks thought it was a little presumptuous to
write an autobiography at the age of 33,'' the senator said. "But people
seemed to like it. So now I'm working on volume two - the Senate months.
My remarkable journey from 99th in seniority to 98th. "Believe me, when
you're the last guy to ask questions at every committee hearing, you have
plenty of time to collect your thoughts,'' he said. "Especially when Joe
Biden's on the committee.
"I'll tell you, my recent Grammy was a big surprise. I thought, for sure
Jack Abramoff would win for his rendition of 'It's Hard Out Here for a
Pimp.' This whole ethics thing has been an adventure,'' said Obama, cast
by his party to help seek ethical reforms in the aftermath of the
Abramoff scandal. "I was really excited when they asked me to be the lead
Democratic spokesman. But I don't know. Turns out, it's a little like
being given the Kryptonite concession at a Superman convention. I mean,
how did I know it was a freshman hazing? Maybe I can explain it this
way:'' And with that introduction, the band struck up a familiar refrain
from The Wizard of Oz, and Obama proceeded to sing from the podium, with
a steady, unflinching, and even in-tune delivery of a song about the
senator from Arizona with whom Obama recently shared a rough-edged
exchange of letters:
"I'm aspiring to greatness, but somehow I feel weightless. A freshman's
sad refrain. I could be a great uniter, making ethics rules much tighter,
If I only had McCain.
"I could bring us all together, no storm we couldn't weather. We'd feel
each other's pain. Red and blue wouldn't matter, party differences would
shatter, If I only had McCain.
"Oh why is it so hard, for honest men of good will to agree. If we ever
found a way to strike a deal, would we survive. politically?
"When a wide-eyed young idealist confronts a seasoned realist, there's
bound to be some strain. With the game barely started, I'd be feeling
less downhearted, If I only had McCain.
"Still I hope for the better, though I may rewrite my letter, cause I
gotta have McCain.'' Obama offered an unnecessary apology for his solo
performance: "Needless to say, my Grammy was in the spoken word category.
"I should say that I really do get along well with Sen. McCain,'' Obama
told the hotel ballroom. "But as you know, not everyone in politics does.
Because of his superstar status, his virtuous image, the kind of hero
worship treatment he gets from all of 'you, some of my colleagues call
John a prima dona. Me? I call him a role model. Think of it as
affirmative action. Why should the white guys be the only ones who are
over-hyped?'' "By the way, before I forget,'' Obama prodded the media
rich audience.
"Raise your hand if Karl Rove didn't tell you about Valerie Plame. Some
folks say you've lost your investigative intensity. You were a little
slow to question the weapons of mass destruction. Maybe got a little used
on that whole Valerie Plame thing. But, by God, you brought Dick Cheney
to justice, and the world's better off for it. Or, at least Gridiron
speakers and late-night comedians were better off for it.'' Turning on
his party, Obama said: "You know, the Gridiron Club is an aging
institution with a long, proud history, known today primarily for
providing a forum for jokes. To some,'' he said, "that may sound like the
Democratic Party.
"You hear this constant refrain from our critics that Democrats don't
stand for anything. That's really unfair,'' he said. "We do stand for
anything.
Some folks say the answer for the Democratic Party is to stop being so
calculating and start standing up for principle,'' he said. "In fact
(Senate Minority Leader) Harry Reed's appointed a task force to study
this option.
"The Republicans have been poking fun at Democrats for not being united
behind a single voice in our party,'' Obama said. "I think that's unfair,
and it smacks a little of sexism. And just because the leading voice in
our party is a strong-willed, outspoken liberal woman with a famous
husband does not mean the Democrats are adrift.. And I, for one, want to
thank Barbra Streisand for her great leadership.
"I'm sick of people attacking Democrats as being out of touch, saying we
lose elections because we're all a bunch of snobby intellectuals who
can't speak the common man's language,'' he said. "I mean, what kind of a
supercilious argument is that?
"Take John Edwards. He's leading a new war on poverty - from his Chapel
Hill estate. And he's educating us. I had no idea there was so much
poverty in New Hampshire.'' "Speaking of New Hampshire, a lot of
speculation that that 2008 campaign could come down to Sen. McCain and
Hillary Clinton. The thing I don't think people realize is how much John
and Hillary have in common. They're both very smart. Both very
hard-working. And they're both hated by Republicans.'' "I mean, wow, it
really has been a rough period for you, Mr. President,'' Obama said. "I
missed the Oscars, so when I picked up the paper the next morning and saw
Crash in the headlines, I just assumed it was another Bush poll story.
"And how about that ports deal?'' he added, with a reference to the
attempted takeover of several U.S. port operations by an Arab firm and a
shot at Bush's experience with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.. "I
feel for you, sir. It's tough getting trapped in a storm, when no one
comes to help.'' "And then there's the flap about global warming,'' Obama
said. "You know, the Bush administration's been a little skeptical about
the whole concept of global warming. It's actually not the warming part
they question. It's the globe.. The president was so excited about Tom
Friedman's book, The World is Flat. As soon as he saw the title, he said,
'You see? I was right.''' "But when people say the administration is
hostile to science, that's really a bad rap. Just last week, they asked
for a hundred million dollars for the NIH to fund new research into leech
therapy.
"I was told that this dinner is off the record,'' Obama said, moving on
to the National Security Agency's warrantless domestic eavesdropping in
search for terrorists. "No taping or recording of this event, unless, of
course, secretly authorized by the president. I completely trust the
president with that authority, by the way. But just out of an abundance
of caution, and not implying anything, I've asked my staff to conduct all
phone conversations in the Kenyan dialect of Luo.
"Truth is, this domestic spying has all kinds of useful applications for
homeland security,'' he said. "And I have a suggestion in this regard,
Mr.
President: you can spy on the Weather Channel, and find out when big
storms are coming.
"You all watch the winter Olympics?'' he asked. "I'm sure a lot of us in
politics were following that figure skating, because we can identify with
performers who spin wildly and sometimes fall on their butts. I also
enjoyed that biathlon, where they ski and shoot at the same time.Probably
not your sport, Mr. Vice President.'' Obama closed with thanks for all
the celebrity he has found during his brief tenure. "Most of all, I want
to thank you for all the generous advance coverage you've given me in
anticipation of a successful career,'' he said.
"When I actually do something, we'll let you know.''